At this time of year as Valentine's Day approaches I walk past all the pink and red heart shaped merchandise and red roses and think 'not for me!' I hasten to add that I don't think this with a heavy, empty heart. The couples celebrating on Valentine's Day are welcome to their public displays of affection as I am perfectly content with my single status having been divorced for more than twenty-five years. I wrote about this in my blog post 'Happily Single at Heart'Â which resonated with several of you older single women who were delighted to have found a kindred spirit like me. However it occurs to me that love comes in many different forms and I have several of these in my life, despite my lack of a significant other. It also occurs to me that love can be complicated and messy, which has made me think.......
Does Love Make the World Go Round?
Love of your parents. The world of love starts to turn with the love we both get from and feel for our parents. If we are lucky, this will give us a feeling of security and stability and will nurture our growth and development in the best possible way. If they were less than adequate it may give us a much rockier start which will affect our....
Love of self. It's hard to love others if you have a warped sense of yourself. Feeling comfortable in your own skin so that you can look yourself in the eye in the mirror and say 'I am ok' is the starting point for saying to others 'you are ok too.' Where this goes awry is if your predominant feeling is 'I am not as ok as you' (inferiority) or 'I am better than you' (superiority) which may impact on the.....
Love of your partner. Hopefully the world of love keeps turning through the positive relationship you are able to build into a long and happy relationship with your partner. If that relationship undermines your sense of self or stifles your development in some way this may have negative consequences on your.....
Love of your children. It's so easy to love your kids when they are children. I can remember looking into my first-born's eyes and thinking that she was the most perfect baby ever born. I loved her utterly. It's sometimes much more challenging to love your children if, as they become adult, they start to do things of which you disapprove. Then it becomes necessary to remind yourself that your role was to help them become independent human beings, not mini-versions of yourself. Then, if you are very lucky, in time you can enjoy the......
Love of your grandchildren. Surely the easiest love of all! So straightforward and uncomplicated because you don't have any direct control or responsibility and nor should you. These small beings are the perfect consolation of getting older. The downside to that love might be the obligation you feel to play more of a caring role (say when their parents are at work) than you really want to do. For me, I have the additional aspect in my world which is my.....
Love of a special needs grandchild. Hard to put this into words. India, my five year old granddaughter pulls from me a love which sometimes feels overwhelming. I suppose because she was born in such a vulnerable and precarious state, the love I feel for her is fiercely protective. I know she is not my primary responsibility, but I find intolerable the thought that anyone would ever behave unkindly towards her. I got through the dark days of India's birth and first year thanks to the.....
Love of friends. What would we do without those people who join us for all or part of the journey through life and add support, kindness and encouragement to our lives? And if the relationship sours for one reason or another, how important it becomes to let it go philosophically and without regrets. And of course there is the friendship we get from those that cannot answer back or betray our trust which brings me to the.....
Love of an animal. Your cat or dog is so adorable and adds so much enjoyment and daily comfort to your life that you feel great devotion, which you believe to be mutual. If, however this becomes 'love me, love my dog or cat' to the detriment of human relationships maybe that's not such a good idea. So perhaps we remember that we are social beings who need others and incorporate a strong sense of community with a......
Love of country. Another admirable form of love when it brings courageous acts of patriotism if that country is under some kind of external threat. Not so healthy when love of country becomes jingoistic and stirs aggression towards other countries or nationalities. Fortunately we may have appeal to a higher form of love which is.....
Love of God. Another apparently pure form of love which brings comfort to very many. Not so positive for the way the world turns, however, if your love of God is used as justification for all sorts of appalling acts towards those who love a different God. So on Valentine's Day, it's good to remind ourselves of the importance of love in our lives and how, in all its best manifestations, love nurtures our human spirit. Love may not make the world go round but it certainly makes the ride worthwhile (as someone else said!)
Have a very happy Valentine's Day on February 14th!