Photo of Trica Cusden

Whenever I mention the ‘A' word - Ageism - someone on here will say something along the lines of: “People are always lovely to me, so I don’t think ageism exists” which bemuses me, because it implies that ageism is only about our own lived experience, rather than the wider culture within which we all operate. 

So, what do I mean by ageism? I rather like the World Health Organisation’s definition: “Ageism refers to the stereotypes (how we think), prejudice (how we feel), and discrimination (how we act) towards others and oneself based on age.

What I like about this definition is the fact that it includes our own ageist thought processes, feelings and actions towards ourselves as much as the attitudes and behaviours of others towards us.

I’ll come onto those in a minute, because our attitudes towards ourselves are by far the most important in any discussion about ageism, but first I want to clarify what I mean when I talk about ageism in relation to the stereotyping, prejudice and discrimination for which there is good evidence, even if you may not personally have experience of it.

Ageist Stereotyping. 

Do you know the poem Crabbit Old Woman by Phyllis McCormack? It starts:

What do you see, nurse, what do you see? 

What are you thinking, when you look at me

A crabbit old woman, not very wise, 

Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes, 

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply 

When you say in a loud voice, 

I do wish you'd try.”

I was reminded of this recently when listening to Michael Rosen (78) who was talking to a geriatrician on BBC Sounds for his wonderful programme ‘Word of Mouth.’ The doctor said that she has to confront ageist stereotyping every day on her ward of older folk. The first thing she has to do is to stop the medical staff from referring to people as ‘Bed 3’ rather than by their name. 

It was also clear that she was fighting the tendency on geriatric wards to see only the Crabbit Old Woman (or man) of the poem, by suggesting to all her patients that they have a photograph of themselves beside their bed showing their younger selves and/or with family members or grandchildren. She has found that this can make all the difference to how well the older patients are treated and respected by staff.

Prejudice: The Whole Cosmetic Surgical industry

Are you aware of the concept of the ‘Overton Window?’ It’s mostly used to describe a process similar to that of a frog being boiled very gradually in water. Over a period of time, the frog accepts and adjusts to the rising temperature.  So, situations once viewed with scepticism and even with horror or disgust become more and more tolerated as they are normalised, creating a shift in the Overton Window, so that people accept the new landscape without objecting or, worse still, giving it much thought.

I think the same thing has happened with face-altering procedures. Ageism in the sense of a horror at the idea of looking old, is at the heart of what fuels the whole cosmetic industry. It may have started many years ago in Hollywood with elaborate and expensive facelifts for very wealthy actors who were terrified that their stock would fall with each birthday.  But now cosmetic interventions of all sorts have become cheap, ubiquitous and normalised for vast swathes of people of all ages. 

We now routinely see those slightly weird, bland, lip-plumped, botoxed faces on programmes like The Traitors, on which there are at least four such ‘enhanced’ young women, and no longer think anything of it. If there was no prejudice against ageing faces (especially for women), there would be no normalisation of the treatments which, in my view, create weirdness and homogeneity rather than a more youthful appearance.

Discrimination: Especially in the Workplace.

I receive a weekly newsletter from the International Longevity Centre. It’s always full of fascinating facts, research and relevant perspectives. This week I read this from Simon English, a financial journalist who made ten predictions for 2025. His ninth prediction was “The hollowing out process in journalism and PR of anyone over 50 will continue. Soon no one who can remember anything before 1980 will be in employment”.

Asked to elaborate he said: “Newsrooms now more closely resemble a creche which the adults have deserted. The senior editors are still there, locked in meetings, managing cost cuts to ensure an ever-greater portion of the salary pie goes their way. The young reporters come and go apace, openly stating that their intention is to get two years on a famous newspaper for the good of their CVs before they go and work somewhere that treats them better. The 50-somethings are mostly gone or going. The FT (Financial Times) still employs, bless it, lots of middle-aged white men, but they aren’t planning to hire more of us”. 

This is just one profession, but there are many others like this, and just imagine how much more challenging it is for the older women in such workplaces. 

I rest my case that ageism is alive and well and evident in terms of societal stereotyping, prejudice and discrimination, most of which we can do very little to change, apart from speaking up wherever and whenever we personally experience it. 

However we can absolutely refuse to engage with the ageist thoughts, feelings and actions we have about our own advancing years. 

The key is to remain confident in how we look, what we are capable of and how openly we embrace new ideas, adventures and possibilities. 

Here’s how:

Never, ever, look in the mirror and bemoan your wrinkles, pallor, grey hair, sagging jawline or age spots. If you cannot make friends with all of those aspects of your inevitably changing face, then who else is going to? The whole cosmetic surgical industry is based on feeding dissatisfaction and despair about all of these perfectly normal things. 

My advice is to properly explore the Look Fabulous Forever website! We have so much to inspire, inform and interest you if you want to look instantly better. Watch a few videos. Look at the before and after images we show you which are testament to the ways that your face can look brighter, smoother and altogether more fabulous with the right products applied in the right way. Ageing on the face is not about wrinkles, it’s about how much life, energy, colour and definition there is.

Never, ever, say to yourself ‘I can’t do that at my age’. I’m not totally averse to using the age card occasionally (being offered a seat on a crowded underground train is fine with me), but I refuse to use the age card on myself. Just today I read an article in the FT by Sarah O’Connor which was subtitled: “Why how long people have been alive is not a good yardstick for judging who is ‘old’”. I have just turned 77, which feels perilously close to proper old age. But is it? Is it for me? Only if I start believing it to be true and thereby contracting the size and scope of the world in which I live. 

Never say “never”. New adventures, new ideas, new possibilities versus the same old, same old. If you feel as if you are stuck in a massive rut, then make 2025 the year that you surprise yourself. 

I have surprised myself since Christmas! Over the holiday I filled many of those ‘in between days’ watching the Sky Arts Portrait Artist of the Year. This was a rich seam of new delight because I had never watched any of these programmes before and there were eleven series each of nine episodes. That’s a lot of phenomenal inspiration - especially from those amateurs some of whom are self-taught.

So, I set myself to do something really quite challenging, especially as, for my entire life, I have never thought of myself as good at drawing. And that was to do a self portrait just using a set of pencils and an eraser. The result is at the top with the photo I was studying to create my portrait, and since then I have been inspired to see how well I can capture the likeness in portraits of a variety of people, young and old..

I called this blog ‘Putting on a Brave Face’ because that is what you have to do every single day when you live in an ageist society. Ageism means that others place a lower value on your looks, skills, capabilities and capacity because you are now older. Facing up to this means that, with every fibre of your being, you have to constantly refuse that estimation of yourself. 

Above all do not collude with any of those notions which limit the confidence with which you face the world. Look in the mirror, look yourself in the eye and say 'I am fabulous' and mean it.

 

Tricia x


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