My A-Z of Ageing Gracefully, Disgracefully and Fearlessly Part Two

Anna, who turned 50 last Tuesday, has asked me to thank you all for the many kind wishes you sent her for her milestone birthday. We had a fantastic time celebrating at a very smart restaurant, and, yes, I wore a sparkly top from Whistles, albeit one with fewer sequins, and felt suitably fabulous.

This week I want to complete my gift to Anna of the second half of the alphabet so that she has the best advice I can offer on how to live gracefully, disgracefully and fearlessly as she moves into and beyond her mid-life.

N. Nostalgia. It’s inevitable that the older we get the more we shift our relationship to the past. Memory is remarkably unreliable and it never ceases to amaze me how two people may remember the same event completely differently. We judge teenagers today and their obsession with smartphones and compare it negatively with our teenage years. But we live forwards, not backwards, so my advice to Anna would be to resist the lure of nostalgia and enjoy everything that this world now has to offer (and I personally couldn’t live without my laptop).

O. Optimism. I like the research that shows that optimists live longer than pessimists. That sounds very Pollyanna-ish but I take optimism to mean that good things are more likely to happen if you believe they will. That doesn’t mean that you aren’t also realistic, it just means that, whatever happens, you will make the best of it. And if something goes wrong, your first question should be ‘what can I learn from this?’ Rather than ‘why me?’ Ageing can be a challenge, but I’m glad that I’m going through it as a glass half full person.

P. Purpose.  The very best advice I can give to anyone semi- or fully retired is to make sure you have a better reason to get out of bed every morning than a full bladder! I still have an involvement with LFF which I love, but, apart from that I am always bursting with plans, ideas, possibilities which may or may not happen. All of which make me feel that my life has an overall direction and purpose. I can’t imagine what life would be like without that sense of momentum.

Q. Quintessential. Difficult to find a good ‘q’ word, until I hit on this one. I think that the very best part of ageing is knowing who you are and then embracing it. You become more of a human being and less of a human doing. I’m not claiming that this is easy or without struggle but it gets easier with time as you become more comfortable in your own skin. And if that skin is a bit saggy and wrinkly, so what? It’s still working to keep your insides in.

R. Role Models. I have a role model on Super Troopers. She’s called Mary and she’s 94. She’s on Facebook, participates with our group regularly and, despite some inevitable health challenges, is full of life, wit and wisdom. To me, Mary is a new breed of older woman and one I absolutely aspire to be. And she’s real and relatable in a way that Helen Mirren or Jane Fonda will never be, fabulous though they may be.

S. Sleep. My favourite Shakespeare quote from Macbeth: “Sleep that knits up the ravelled sleeve of care, the death of each day’s life, sore labor’s bath, balm of hurt minds, great nature’s second course, chief nourisher in life’s feast.” Says it all, really. Oh how I love my bed and, for the first time in my life I can go with my natural circadian rhythm and sleep from midnight to eight or nine in the morning. No kids to wake me, no alarm clock to startle me and, after a slow start, I am ready to face the day by mid-morning - which to all you larks must feel reprehensible - but I’m not the one falling asleep in front of the telly!

T. Time. It’s definitely speeding up the older I get, which can feel alarming. I mean, it’s nearly Christmas, and I’m not sure how it’s come round again so fast. But then I think of all I’ve done this year, and it’s not nothing. The only solution is to live as much as possible in the moment. Today the weather is perfect, not a cloud in the sky, so I am lifting my eyes from my laptop as I write this to enjoy the sunlight on the plants in my small garden. The weather forecast for tomorrow is dreadful, but, as a wise old woman I once knew in Suffolk used to say “that time come, that time care for.”

U. Universe. I have long believed in something I think of as ‘energy in the universe’. That if you decide to do something and put energy into it this will create a force field which attracts everything you need to move towards your goal. When I had the (mad) idea to start LFF I had so much luck, good will, kindness and support from so many random people that I became convinced that it could work as a business. I know it sounds a bit ‘woo-woo’ but when I look back I can see so many pivotal moments in my life when the universe (or maybe the stars) aligned in the best possible way.

V. Vaccination. All of us on this planet are living longer lives because of two major scientific advances: clean water and vaccinations. We could probably throw in antibiotics for good measure, but those first two have made the most significant contribution to the long term survival of the human race. Vaccinations against small pox, polio, measles, mumps and rubella have saved millions of lives. Being anti-science and pro-conspiracy theory is fashionable in some circles. Let’s see where that ends up and in the meantime, get vaccinated.

W. Wisdom or Wellness? I think I’ll pick Wellness. Young bodies can withstand a lot of punishment - alcohol, bad food, lack of sleep, sporadic exercise. The liver repairs itself, the joints cope with the extra pressure from weight gain, smoking only gradually damages the lungs and the heart keeps beating rhythmically. The body still functions. Until it doesn’t. I came late to the concept of ‘your health is in your hands’ but now I get it. I hope it’s not too late, but my focus now is entirely on wellness. It’s not easy, but, hopefully, it will stand me in good stead in the years to come.

X. EXcitement. Puppies are excitable, old dogs less so. But there is ‘life in the old dog yet’ and I still look forward with excitement to various things. I was dreading Christmas this year (long story) but the problem has been resolved and I can now look forward with excitement to the prospect of celebrating my birthday with people that I love very much. And 2025 already has some exciting things in prospect.

Y. Yes.  Become a ‘yes woman’. This was a suggestion from a reader of my blog last week, so thank you for the suggestion with which I wholeheartedly concur.  Saying ‘no’ just leads to a dead end and a life that gradually gets smaller and smaller as you become more and  more risk averse. So make sure that you keep saying ‘yes’. Be open to every opportunity to do new things, go to new places, learn new skills and make new friendships. 

Z. Zest. Zest for life. Beats the alternative every time.

So, my darling daughter, you are just about to dip your toes in the very warm shallows of older age. I have waded much further out than you but I can confidently tell you from where I stand that there is much still to look forward to. Enjoy your journey into the future and remember to age gracefully always, disgracefully when necessary and, above all, fearlessly. 

Tricia x

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