I have a child who turns 50 this week. How did that happen? For me it seems to be a signifier of significant age and maybe for Anna too? As ever, though, that significance depends entirely on how both she and I feel about our advancing years. Anna has been closely involved with Look Fabulous Forever for the whole of her 40s and I know that the experience of being in close touch with so many vibrant older women has dramatically reduced her dread of getting older.
Now, over this week and next, I’d like to offer Anna my A-Z of Ageing Gracefully, Disgracefully and Fearlessly.
I also have a birthday on the horizon on Christmas Day. This year it will have the pleasing symmetry of being 77, which has made me wonder if I will get to see my 88th. I may or may not reach such advanced years, but whilst I am still going strong, I can offer Anna the benefit of what those 77 years have taught me.
A: Attitude. This is the key to everything as an older woman. If you live in an ageist society like ours, the difference between staying positive and open resides within your attitude towards your ageing self. If you embrace it you quickly learn that there is so much still to enjoy and learn and I feel both excitement and enthusiasm about the future.
B: Beauty. Every age has its individual beauty. My 15 year old granddaughter is like a young gazelle. Anna at 50 has fully become herself in the best possible way and stuns me with how gorgeous she often looks. The face that I see in my mirror may be very different to the one I saw at 15 or 50, but I am enjoying the changes as they occur and celebrate the beauty of this more mature iteration of my looks.
C: Chatty. I’ve started to talk to people wherever and whenever. This used to be alien to me but I have got better at connecting with people in every situation. I have discovered that with rare exceptions, people are interesting and when you are older and may need help, they are invariably responsive and extremely kind.
D: Determination. Never use your age as an excuse for not seeing something through to the end. Also, never, ever say “I’m too old for that”. This year I drove about 2,500 kms to the south of France and back on my own. Never once did I allow myself to think “Is this sensible at my age”? And you know what? I enjoyed every part of that journey and am planning to do it again next year.
E: Exercise. Never too late to start and never too old to continue. Sitting down for long periods is very, very bad for you and, as Dr. Xand Van Tulleiken said on TV the other day, movement is essential even if you have aches and pains. I came to regular exercise at 69 and still go on my little pink Opti exercise bike two or three times every week, along with 8 sessions a month with P.T. Lindsay Burrows. Do I love it? No, but I know how much I need it.
F: Fabulousness. I have just bought a sequin covered top (see photo at the top) and have been wondering if I can ‘get away with it’ for the meal we’re having in a very posh restaurant on Tuesday to celebrate Anna’s big birthday. The dreaded words ‘age appropriate’ come to mind but I think I might just go for it and say to myself “if you are wearing this at 76 it must be age appropriate.”
G: Gratitude. I’m all for gratitude lists. When things get tough, the only way through is to think ‘this too shall pass’ (because it always does) and to write down all those things that you are grateful for. In the dark days of granddaughter India’s challenges as a baby, I constantly said to my daughter Suzy “you are young, intelligent, articulate and have the love and support of the whole family. You will get through this.” And she did and now we are grateful every day that India is a very special 13 year old.
H: Hobbies. My first proper hobby was jigsaws in lockdown. Suddenly there was lots of empty time and nowhere to go in order to distract myself. One jigsaw was the night sky which was basically black with groups of white dots for all those constellations. The sense of accomplishment was off the scale when I placed the final piece and it taught me that hobbies are life enhancing and enriching in surprising ways. My latest hobby, watercolour painting, absorbs my attention completely and in the most satisfying way, whatever the outcome.
I: Imagination. I think of imagination as the capacity to both empathise and be transported to other worlds. This world is currently a very uncomfortable place to live and, if I’m not very careful, my imagination runs riot into catastrophising about the future for the whole human race. How much better to channel that imagination via books, good drama on the TV, film and theatre. And, remember, absolutely no-one can predict the future.
J: Joy. Good old Marie Condo, she of the immaculate cupboards, came up with the question "Does it spark joy?” Her solution is to clear out all the joyless objects you own and move them on. I sometimes do a visualisation where I put all those things (and people) that are bugging me into a metaphorical black bin bag which I then hurl into one of those skips you get at a recycling centre. I can’t tell you how much lighter and happier I feel afterwards. No joy, no justification for keeping it.
K: Keep Buggering On. Churchill said it during the darkest days of the Second World War and we adopted it as our motto on Super Troopers in March 2020 for our Covid confinement. ‘A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step’ is a Chinese aphorism I rather like too. The war and the virus eventually ended and gradually we moved into a better place. So, for now, if you are having a tough time, KBO and remember that this, too, really shall pass.
L: Laugh. Have you ever watched a baby belly laughing at something that really tickles them? It’s a glorious sound and reminds us how much we humans need to find fun and humour in our lives. I think it starts with not taking ourselves too seriously, and, if you live alone as I do, it also starts with finding the humour in small everyday things which sometimes ends up with me laughing like that baby.
M: Mirror. Janet Ellis, LFF Ambassador, recently wrote: “I have mirrors everywhere in my house because I want to constantly meet myself every day.” Some women have fewer and fewer mirrors the older they get because they have learnt to dread what they see. Like Janet, I am the opposite. I have made friends with my mirror and embrace what is reflected therein with love and compassion. Why is this important? Because if you don’t love what you see in your mirror then you’ll find it hard to allow yourself to hear those positive comments when someone says “you look fabulous!”
I will complete the list next week as my gift to Anna on her 50th birthday. Would you like to add any of your own advice about how to age Gracefully, Disgracefully or Fearlessly so that we can all benefit from your E. Experience and W. Wisdom?
Tricia x
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