Being a Carer
Leave a Comment
Comments 28
-
26 Jul 2021
I agree with you Tricia in that caring, in whatever form, is largely taken up by women. I do realise there are men who also care but the majority I believe are female. Personally I have had to care for both my parents, in very different ways and at different stages of my life. My father had a major stroke just after my mother left the family home. I was 18 yrs old, newly married and had a full time job, so I had to cope with visiting before and after work every day, cleaning at weekends and keeping him fed and watered, plus physio sessions to help get him back to some sort of normal mobility. It was hard but I did have a very supportive husband who helped out and kept me sane. My father did manage to get back to walking and talking and almost self reliant but then he had a further stroke and died before my 21st birthday. My mother lived into her late 70's but by this time had moved with her new husband to the highlands of Scotland. He died very shortly after and she was fine for a few years and then developed dementia. I spoke to her every day on my hour long journey home from work. I visited twice or so every year (its a seven hour journey to get there) whilst working full time and working alongside a fantastic medical team in her home town. Mercifully she didn't suffer with it for long before she developed a heart problem and died at 78 years of age. The heart-breaking similarity in both cases was that in the end my brothers and I were asked to decide whether to turn off the life support. With regard to care, in any situation, I think we should make this a profession within the NHS with a proper qualification, regulation and pay. Many women would want to look after their parents, some would feel obliged and other guilty that they are not in a position to help. If they could rely and be confident in a service which is caring and helpful surely it would be worth the nation paying a little more in our national insurance (or its relevant alternative) to cover this. To have someone to share the burden and help care would be a step forward I believe.
-
21 Jul 2021
Hello Tricia! Thank you for this blog! I too was amazed at the caring and resiliance and writing of the caring lady. I understand all your points! I I had a poirly baby ,now 40,and needed my Mother to support me,sadly she didn't and it took me years to get over the trauma! Many years later ,I had to look after my gaughter who sucummed to an awful depression but little by little with years of support she miraclly recovered and is a thiving young(!) Woman,works with people and produces and acts in plays. I thank God daily for this outcome and the resiliance He gave me! When my Mother was in old age we dhared her care as a family as I have four siblings,supporting one another,which heloed us all. Many Thanks dear Tricia!
-
19 Jul 2021
Hi Tricia Your article resonates so much with me. Just a few days before lockdown my son-in-law had a horrific accident on his motorbike, suffering multiple injuries. He spent 3 weeks in hospital, before being discharged early because of Covid. When he was discharged, neither we or her own daughter could be with my daughter Lorna because of lockdown. She had to care for Rob entirely on her own. Borh his hands and a leg were in plaster, not to mention his pelvis being fractured in 3 places, she therefore had to do everything for him. We felt terribly guilty because we weren't allowed to support her. She was both mentally distraught and physically shattered. My husband and I are in the vulnerable group, and my daughter lives a 4 hour (at best) journey away. Under no circumstances would she let us visit even when the opportunity to travel occurred. She became distressed if we mentioned going to help as she was worried at the risk we would be taking at motorway services. My only contribution at this awful time was to be at the other end of the phone whilst she articulated all the stages you mentioned. I felt completely useless. By March this year Rob had recovered sufficiently to go out on his push bike only to come off and break his femur! Back in hospital he contracted Covid! Poor Lorna was back in full-time time care mode, again with no one to support her. We were again in lockdown and neither we or Ellie her daughter could be there to help. Believe me, the temptation to break the lockdown rules was almost overwhelming at times for all of us. Rob has recovered, Lorna had stayed sane, we have been together as a family and we are all OK but, what a dreadful 18 months it has been. (I forgot to say last October poor Lorna had the additional worry of me having a total hysterectomy and not being able to visit me!). You couldn't make it up could you?
-
21 Jul 2021
Goodness! You could hardly believe it! Glad that things are now better for you all now! Humans must be very resiliant!
-
21 Jul 2021
-
19 Jul 2021
Hi Tricia - your blog is so true - there are many unsung heroes coping as carers My Grandaughter was born in 2016 - 25 weeks early and only just over 1lb - such a worry not just for her well being but also for my son and daughter in law - also my older son now 50 needs my support living with me after he suffered a breakdown in his twenties. You find your true friends are wonderful and their support helps lighten your life - thank you for providing us with so many interesting interviews ! X
-
19 Jul 2021
The information about the session with Kate Mosse - is the time reflected UK (across the Pond).
-
20 Jul 2021
Hi Carol, yes it is 4pm UK time! - LFF Team x
-
20 Jul 2021